Monday, November 29, 2004


I've finally figured toddlers out. Here's the scoop: The Man and I were watching tv late one night (and let me tell you late night tv has killed more of my brain cells than alcohol) and, being the ridiculously lazy slobs that we are, suffered through all the commercials rather than change the channel or, god forbid, talk to each other! Now those of you who stay up watching late-night tv can back me up on this next bit - don't be ashamed, just nod your head along with the rest of the drooling, zombie-eyed masses. There are exactly 4 types of commercials on late at night:

1. ads for "adult" entertainment ("adult" being the euphemism for porn - like we don't all know it's really aimed at 13 year old boys)
2. ads for get-rich-quick schemes
3. ads for lawyers (around here my favorite is "the Texas hammer!" Watch, I'll probably get sued just for quoting his ad)
4. ads for prescription drugs - mostly penis drugs, but there are a few others.

It's this last category that opened my eyes as to what the Hell is going on with toddlers - namely mine. As we watched an ad for a new menopause drug (or rather peri-menipause whatever that is), it dawned on me. Toddlers are menopausal! Let's see... mood swings, check. Sleep disruption, check. Night sweats, check. Emotional roller coaster, CHECK!

Voila! I've figured out toddler behavior! Take that Dr. Brazleton!


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