Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Why Am I Still Here?

Why am I still at work when I should be ...
a) Christmas shopping with all the other hordes of last-minute craptastic shoppers?
b) at home with The Man & The Boy, or
c) whoring myself to come up with the money to fly to Germany to see Henry Rollins?
WTF is he doing in Germany??? Doesn't he know he has millions of crazed, stalker-lite fans who would sell their pancreas to have him come back to town??? OK, well maybe not my pancreas. I'm not sure what your pancreas does, but I'm pretty sure you need it. Maybe I'd sell one of my kidneys - you only need one, right?

Oh well, I think I'll have to go with Option A, followed by Option B. BIG LOTS, here I come!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2004


Yep, I'm a geek. Movie Geek, that is. Some people at work think I'm a computer geek, but they don't know what the hell they're talking about. Just because I know the magic ctrl+alt+del formula and they don't does NOT make me a computer geek. It makes me slightly more knowledgeable than their pathetic, typewriter-bitch asses, but that's all.

So, back to the Movie Geek thing. The Man purchased the special extended DVD of The Return of the King on Tuesday -- the ONLY version to own for those of you who are cinematically- challenged-- and we stayed up until 1:00 am watching all 250 minutes of special extended goodness. This may not seem like an amazing feat for those without toddlers, but let me tell you that I have not stayed up that late in YEARS. I payed for it the next day by walking around doing my best impression of a zombie, but hey, it was worth it.

Monday, December 13, 2004

CMFs continued

Well, after a few tequila shots my rage at all the CMFs I work with has cooled a bit. Amazing how that works. Shouldn't I be able to deduct the cost of tequila on my taxes? It's a business expense. Or is it a medical expense - as in it keeps me from going completely mental and shooting up work!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Crazy Mutha' Fuckas (the ongoing work saga)

This semester it finally dawned on me what is wrong with work. I'm not just talking about my workplace, or any specific workplace, just work in general. At work you are surrounded by CMFs (Crazy Mutha Fuckas). At home you can always lock your door or hang up the phone if you want to distance yourself from the CMFs. At work, however, you can't do that. So all the CMFs who ask stupid questions or do idiotic things stay with you like a swarm of angry locusts. ALL DAY. That is why I've decided to start a file (or maybe several files) about the CMFs where I work. More later (there's one calling me now!)...

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

"He squeezed out a rebel"

Reason #1 why I love my husband: We get each other's sense of humor.
Case in point: The other day my husband was watching The Boy while was out for a little r&r with a friend of mine. When I returned (refreshed and ever so grateful that I have a husband who actually encourages me to go out drinking with my friends!) he gave me The Boy update - you know, what he ate, if he'd been cranky, etc. He ended his little narrative with this little gem:

"He squeezed out a rebel so when I finally changed his diaper he had a little rash. Just FYI."

At this point I turned to him and, because I was laughing so hard, the water I'd been drinking shot out my nose and sprayed across his shirt.

Me: "Squeezed out a rebel??? You mean he had a dirty diaper?"

Him: "Sort of, there was just one rabbit pellet-like poo that had migrated up to the front of his diaper."

Me: "Did you make that up or did you hear that somewhere?"

"Yeah," he replied, "I just made that up."

I love this man!