Monday, March 07, 2005

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

If you've ever been to a toddler's birthday party you know what I mean when I say that kids' birthdays are freakishly funny - especially toddler birthdays.

Q: What do you get when you mix 8 toddlers, their parents, grandparents, and a few single people who still think they'd like to have kids in a small room for 3 hours?
A: Instant birth control.

People laugh when I tell them I only want one child. They always say, "Oh, you'll change your mind" or "Children are such blessings! Of course you'll want more!" To which I say, "What a load of shit." I have one child. Yes, he is a blessing and I love him more than I ever thought possible. He can, however, be a tremendous pain in the ass, a drain on my pocketbook, and a whining/screaming/shitting ball of pure rage (all at the same time!). I applaud folks who have 2, 3, 4 or even 10 kids. More power to them! It's funny how people think it's perfectly all right to tell childless couples and couples with one kid how much better their lives would be with more children, yet those same people would never dream of walking up to a woman with five or six kids and telling her how great her life would be if she just got rid of one or two of them! Maybe I'm wrong - maybe people do walk up to large families and tell them they ought to "thin the herd" a bit. Lord knows I've heard people say stupider things.

Anyway, the birthday party we went to yesterday was interesting in a "watching a car accident happen" kind of way. With 8 toddlers there was always at least one having a meltdown. This then led to the parents swooping in on their respective progeny and trying to over-analyze the problem which inevitably led to more meltdowns as the kids picked up on the worried tone in their parents' voices and responded with histrionics of their own. Note: Toddlers melt down for no apparent reason- usually in public where they're more able to embarass their parents. They could be happy and laughing one minute, then "BAM!" their whole world comes crashing down. There is no warning. There is no cure. There is only endurance. The Boy maintained his composure reasonably well. He only had one meltdown towards the end of the party and by that time The Man and I were barely able to hang on either. For the most part The Boy was happy as long as there were trucks to play with and an empty space to play in. He didn't really care if there were other kids around him or not just as long as they didn't interfere with his study of the trucks. "All hail the Playskool Truck and bow down before it's magnificence!"


Blogger CCF said...

In fact, I think the most fascinating thing about the entire toddler part experience is that none of the kids play with each other. It is like watching planets orbiting a sun- they are in the same area and circulate the same space but never come in contact.

9:32 AM  

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