Friday, March 11, 2005

Road Rage

It's come to my attention that I carry around a lot of rage within me. Most of the time my rage reaches its peak while I'm driving. Just this morning I caught myself about to unleash the f-bomb on some unsuspecting (althought thoroughly deserving) ass-wipe who couldn't figure out which lane she wanted to be in. I carefully avoided that trap by substituting "frick" for "fuck" so those little ears in the backseat wouldn't be burned off.

Where does this rage come from?

I've always thought of myself as a pretty mellow person. While I've been known to mutter "ass-hat" under my breath after certain unpleasant encounters, I've never been one to pick a fight or verbally abuse someone (to his or her face, at least). The Man, on the other hand, could deliver quite the verbal beat-down in his day. That was one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. He had earned a place in history before I even knew him for delivering the infamous "Turbo-Bitch" speech - which quickly became known as one of the nastiest, and funniest, verbal beatings to ever take place in our dorm. In fact, I believe the subject of his venom, the actual "turbo-bitch," moved out of the dorms shortly after that speech.

I, on the other hand, have never been very good at expressing my rage verbally - unless I'm in the car. It's kinda' like people who can't sing unless they're in the shower. Put me face-to-face with someone who has been annoying me all year and I'm more likely to clam up and glare at them than I am to say anything. Put me in a 4,000 lb hunk of metal hurtling down the road at 60 mph, however, and I'll let the profanity fly. There's something about being in an automobile that unleashes my inner Andrew Dice Clay: "Ay! I'm talkin' to you, you fuckin' dickwad! Do ya' think I want you ridin' my ass like a $20 whore? Why don't you come a little closer, huh? I'll butter your fuckin' popcorn! OH YEAH!"


Blogger CCF said...

What do you mean "in his day"? Am I a has-been now? Christ almighty, I just hope you don't go all Old Yeller on me.

4:10 PM  

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