Friday, April 08, 2005

Mental Masturbation for the Cunning Linguist

In one year I can officially start calling myself a Cunning Linguist - something I've been aching to do for most of my adult life. In one year all of the torment and agony of writing papers about morphemes, syntactic structures, and assorted linguistical hoo-hah will be over and I will have that little slip of paper with the words Master of Arts enscribed over my name. HAH! Take that Chomsky - who'll be the bitch then???? Huh?

In the meantime, however, I am still academia's bitch. Paper-writing season is in full-swing. I have exactly 11 days, 5 hours, and 59 minutes to finish my paper or die in the attempt. About 9 days will be spent whining about not having enough time to finish the paper and the remaining 3 days will be spent cursing at the computer as I attempt to vomit all of the knowledge I acquired this semester into a presentable 20 page research paper.

I shall bless you all with a sampling of my linguistic aptitude right now! As you may know there are various ways that new words can gain entry into the English language (unless they're shot at the border by overzealous "Minutemen"). Some are borrowed from other languages, while others are home-grown. By far, my favorite way for new words to enter our language is through blending. Blending, linguistically speaking, occurs when two words are smashed together in such a violent way that some of the extra letters get knocked off. For instance, "smog" is a blend that comes from "smoke" and "fog." Nifty, huh?

Blending also brings us such linguist gems as "cranapple," "urinalysis," and "skort." No other language has so embraced this practice. It makes US special (get it? US = U.S. = United States! Get it now?!? Spiffy, huh?).

So the next time one of those "cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys" goes around talking trash about America, or one of those "tortilla-eatin', soccer-watching mexi-can'ts" starts cheering for Osama you just tell 'em, "Look pal, I don't see you coming up with words like urinalysis or skort! No sir, you have to come crawling back to the good ol' U.S. of A. for words just like you do for Levi's and Nikes!! So suck it!"


Blogger Pops said...

As I enter my sixth year as a degree-awarded Master of Arts, let me tell you it's... uh... well, I still don't have a job. I'm not really looking, I'm just saying...

My diploma looks cool though. I got it all framed and everything.

1:20 PM  
Blogger The Cybrarian said...

Really? The only ones? the German's don't knock off a few consonants now and again? I mean, that's quite a statement!

12:46 PM  
Blogger kimbabalu said...

No, the Germans don't knock off consonants - only Jews, Jehovah's Witnesses, homosexuals, and the occasional Frenchman. (insert horrified silence here)
No really, I think german is the only language that may add a few consonants - just for kicks!

8:43 AM  

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