Thursday, April 07, 2005

Signs That I'm Getting Old

1. The Spam in my inbox is more likely to be of the "Philips Home Defibrillator - NO RX Required!" type than the "Sexy, Hot S_l_u_t_s!" variety.

2. The 16 year-old behind the register at Starbucks asks, "Can I help you, MA'AM?"

3. I am no longer welcome in the Junior's Department of my local department store and am now advised by the hyper-perky sales associate that I "might find more of what I'm looking for" (read: old-lady clothes that are baggy enough to hide my Depends undergarments) in the Misses Department.

4. Coloring my hair is no longer about deciding which shade of purple or red I want, nor is it an excuse to get together with my girlfriends to bitch about men. It is a necessity and is attended to by a professional.

5. Compound words such as "bar-hopping," and "binge-drinking" are no longer part of my vocabulary. They have been replaced with words like "dependent-care" and "control-top."

2 Comments:

Blogger Pops said...

It's not all bad. For instance in #5 you left out "mid-day-nap".

1:07 PM  
Blogger kimbabalu said...

Pops - AAAH! "Mid-day-nap" is a phrase that should only be uttered in reverence, like a prayer to the gods of relaxation, and only when in the proper position - head down on keyboard, drool pooling on the mousepad, and with Function keys making tiny indentations on one's forehead.

9:50 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home