Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Things I Loathe...

1. The hundreds of inane e-mails I get at work. Work-spam. Every day some perky marketing person spams me with dozens of invitations to events I have zero interest in attending. Exhibit A:
{XXXX} College’s Center for Studies in American Musical Theatre is busy rehearsing for its upcoming spring musical production of “Guys & Dolls!" Come see this classic performed Friday, April xx, at 1:00 pm.

Yes. You read that correctly. All of us involved in higher education should be shot because we even HAVE a "Center for Studies in American Musical Theatre." You mean to tell me there are people - young people - that actually WANT to study musical theatre???? Sure musical theatre is nice -- for me to poop on!

2. People who flick their cigarette butts out of their car windows. I don't care if you smoke or not, but take your nasty, sucked-on, spit-covered, cancer-bits with you. C'mon, your car doesn't come with an ashtray? Ditto for people who open up their car door to spit on the road. I hate traffic as much as the next person, but you don't see me decorating our nation's highways with my phlegm.

3. Daycare centers that have French names. Look, you change shitty diapers all day while trying to keep the little germ-monkeys from eating the cigarette butts some fuck-tard just flung from his car window. Don't get all fancy and delude yourselves into thinking you're a snooty invitation-only society catering to the world's elite. Whether you call your center "Un Petit Academie" or "Ecole Creme de la Creme" it's not going to make zucchini- and pickle-speckled poop smell any sweeter so just get over yourselves. (and don't make me laugh by quoting me a price of $1115 per month to wipe my son's ass 5 days a week)


Blogger HappyFunBall said...

Gee, I kinda think that E Coli Creme de la Bichon Frise is a catchy little name ... but maybe that's just me.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Pops said...

This is why I stay home with my kids. It's a French-free zone. It's also a French-fry zone on many occasions, now that I think about it. I just want them to fit in and be fat like all the other kids.

12:04 PM  

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