Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The Soundtrack in My Head

The soundtrack of my childhood (as with many other Gen Xers) was a montage of "adult-contemporary" and "easy listening" stab-yourself-with-a-fork-to-drown-it-out LPs. You would think, judging by my mom's record collection, that there were only 4 recording artists in the 70s:

1. Kenny Rogers

2. Barbra Streisand

3. Barry Manilow

4. Neil Diamond

Out of the Unholy 4 I think Neil is the least likely to make me lose my lunch. The other 3, however, are the reason my eye starts to twitch whenever I step into an elevator.

So, where are they now?
Counting their money and sipping champagne aboard their yachts while getting refreshing colonics from their personal astrologers/life-coaches with names like Makzumeeh of the 4th Dimension of Infinite Light.

Lucky for me they all have websites, such as...

The Neil Diamond Fan Poetry Site!
Do I even have to make a snarky comment about this? Do I even have to suggest that most of these people submitting poetry live alone with their 35 cats?

Check out Streisand's official website for her "Truth Alerts." Poor Babs, it must be a constant struggle to stay out of the National Enquirer - what with BrittKev and Bennifer pregnant, Martha out of jail, and Les Farts d'Al making it's European debut.

My wardrobe will finally be complete once The Man buys me this for our anniversary (you are reading this, aren't you honey?). Then to complete the outfit I can buy this Manilow en Mexico t-shirt!

...and finally, the MWLLKR, or Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers! Further proof that there ARE aliens living among us - and they've shrewdly chosen to clone Kenny Rogers so they can live among us undetected until the time comes when they begin harvesting us for food. You didn't think that the failed Kenny Rogers Roasters Restaurants were meant to actually make money, did you? They were just a front for the aliens...


Blogger Pops said...

I strongly suspect all our parents had the same record collection and just passed them along from house to house on designated days.

Your list is the same as mine, except you have to add John Denver and Abba. How we aren't all brain damaged I will never know.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Hannah Gerber said...

Speak for yourself, Pop, I'm TOTALLY brain damaged, ask our freakish little hostess-wit-da-mostess here.....right? Am i right? Huh?
And Neil Diamond is coming to town oh so soon, and I'd blow someone really pimply and smelling of cheap rum and jizz to get a decent seat.

3:56 PM  
Blogger kimbabalu said...

Pops - I can be thankful that I was spared John Denver and ABBA, although I have to add that in addition to the albums my mom also had sheet music to most of it. That's how I learned to play the piano and why I vowed to never play again!

Hannah - Damn it, woman! You write better stuff than I do on my own blog - I should just suck it up and make you a contributor.
"someone really pimply and smelling of cheap rum and jizz" - thank you for that stunning visual!

8:39 AM  

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