Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

...Every Rose Has It's Thorn.

ahhh, sweet, sweet Poison. Back in high school, their lyrical stylings taunted me much like Double-Stuff Oreos taunt Kirstie Alley today. I wanted to love them, but I knew no good could come from our joining.

It's Flashback Tuesday!

I remember sitting in Geometry class and mooning over this guy named Alex who sat across from me. He was, to put it in the teen lingo of my youth, like totally boss, ya know? Alex loved Poison and drew their logo on his trapper keeper a gazillion times trying to get it just right. Anyway, brilliant little geek that I was I figured if I professed an interest in skanky no-talent hair bands, then maybe he'd like me. Maybe he'd see past the glasses and braces! Maybe he'd ask me to the Prom! Oh rapture!

Little did I realize back then that not all hair bands are alike - at least not to their fans. So you can imagine how badly my first attempt at flirtation crashed and burned when I innocently asked him if he'd heard the new Bon Jovi album, Slippery When Wet, and didn't he think it was as good as Poison?

How was I supposed to know that there was an underground war being waged between Poison fans and Bon Jovi fans? Who knew that comparing Poison to Bon Jovi was tantamount to committing a mortal sin and was enough to get me sent to Teen Angst Hell for the rest of my sophomore year?

Needless to say Alex and I never hooked up. He found some skanky ho who would take her top off at concerts and I drifted deeper into nerddom.

Now all I can do is re-live that agonizing time through inane blog postings. Thank god I still have Bon Jovi, though: (lighters up, y'all!)

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame,
darlin' you give love a bad name!

An angel's smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven then put me through hell"


Blogger HappyFunBall said...

That is a truly sad, sad little story. I'd weep for you, but unfortunately, I'm a Poison fan, so I have to hunt you down and kill you instead. Sorry.

4:33 PM  
Blogger Pops said...

Your first mistake was trying to engage a Poison fan in conversation. Everyone knows they only respond to hairspray.

10:21 PM  
Blogger Pete said...

I was always such a nerd in school too and was always messing up pop culture stuff. Woops. Then I worked at AOL Music for two years right after highschool and they were all drooling. Biotches!

9:08 AM  
Blogger Kim said...


9:37 AM  
Blogger kimbabalu said...

Who knew Poison would inspire this virtual "flood" of comments!

HFB: You'll have to find me before you can kill me and since I've oh-so-cleverly put "United States Minor Outlying Islands" as my location in blogger - good luck!

Pops: If only I'd had your wisdom in high school - i probably still wouldn't have been able to get laid.

Pete: AOL music, huh? That and working at a record store (see how old I am - i still think of records) would have been my dream jobs right out of high school.

Kim: Why all the hatin'? You just don't truly appreciate the lyricism and poetry that is Poison:
"What's got you so jumpy
Why can't you sit still
Like gasoline you want to pump me
And leave me when you get your fill,"

11:54 AM  
Blogger CCF said...

Alex, who the fuck is Alex? You trollip. Screw finding you, I'll find Alex and I'll kill him. First, he messed with my woman and second he has appalling musical taste.

12:08 PM  

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