Thursday, June 02, 2005

"Which One Is Your Wallet?"

"...it's the one that says Bad Motherfucker."

That's right, I said it. I must be one bad motherfucker for all the trouble I just caused the maintenance morons and their mulleted contractors. You know, I hate my job just like everyone else. I don't expect much. I DO expect, however, not to have to dig through an inch of ceiling grit that has taken up residence on my desk. I also expect to not have to vacate my office on a minute's notice because their dumb asses can't figure out how to pick up a god-damned telephone to let me know when they'll be working in my office.

I was especially pleased to note that they covered approximately half of the lab computers in plastic - the other half apparently had some major karma to work off so they were left to fend for themselves against the ceiling grit. And, of course, my office computer - with the shiny new flat-screen monitor - was apparently a sacrifice to the HVAC God, Mulletar, as it was left naked and staring at the gaping hole in my ceiling while grit and other noxious stuff fell on it.

With all this, why was the maintenance department surprised when I did the modern-day bureacratic equivalent of flinging plague-victim's corpses over their castle walls? I sent an e-mail to people with much more clout than me and copied damn near everyone just to make sure they all were aware of my displeasure. Plus, I pulled the academic trump card by bemoaning the fact that "my poor students won't be able to use the lab when the summer session starts next week unless all of this is taken care of before Friday."

And that, my friends, is the only way to get things done in the hallowed halls of academia. You either play the trump card of "My students will suffer!" or you have to sleep with someone. That would violate my #1 rule of never encountering anything turgid / swollen / engorged while at work so I'm reduced to whining about students.

So yeah, "I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch the keyboard I'm SUPERFLY T.N.T, I'm the GUNS OF THE NAVARONE!"

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