Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I vow...

... that I will never hand out methamphetamines and vodka to my son's teenage friends. Even if it means that I am forever relegated to the "totally uncool" category of moms - the category that includes the ones who shriek "Don't forget to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom!" to their kids as they drop them off at school in front of the entire football team.

... that if my 22 year-old son impregnates his 13 year-old girlfriend I will chop his balls off myself. After I drag him home by his ear while wearing a bright pink terry-cloth muumuu and gold house shoes, of course.

...that if I ever see a mug shot of my son like this there will be no bail money coming from me. The phone call from the police station will sound something like this,

Son: "Mom, I need some money. I just got arrested for inhaling paint and-"
Me: "Son? What son? I have no son. Is this a telemarketer? WE NO SPEAK ENGLISH!"
{click}

4 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

For a brief second, I thought *your* 22 year old son was dating a 13 year old. (whew)

12:15 PM  
Blogger crazytigerrabbitman said...

>>For a brief second, I thought *your* 22 year old son was dating a 13 year old. (whew)<<

So...she's still single then?

9:58 AM  
Blogger Pete said...

Dude -- that paint mugshot is a classic!

12:54 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

HEHE!! You win mom of the year! I wish more parents thought like you! I love the gold shoes and muumuu! LoL~~

5:55 AM  

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