Monday, January 02, 2006


... is one of my best friends. She's delightfully eccentric and sardonic. Whatever she does she embraces joyously and completely whether it's vegetarianism or motherhood. I love her. If she was a man I'd marry her - except I'd have to divorce my own husband first and kill her husband second. Which would be inconvenient and messy -- not to mention all of the legal ramifications. Plus, there's that sex thing. I love her, but I am SO not into bush - the Republican or the nether orifice. So, I'll settle for being best friends.

One of the many quirks I love about her is how she likes to take on new identities while remaining essentially the same irreverant and wonderful person I've come to love. When I met her almost 3 years ago her name was Hannah. Long before that she was Lisa. Then she became Yenta for a while. Cookie was more of a fad than a namechange. Ethel is just a term of endearment I have for her while her hair grows out.

Did I mention she owns the best dog in the world? Seriously. Her dog Annie is amazingly tolerant and loving. Pets are the most accurate gauge to a person's soul I've ever found. If you own a happy pet, one who is affectionate to you and protective of you then I know you're a good person -- no matter what your arrest record may contain. I knew Hannah before she got Annie so I had to go on my instincts alone as to what kind of person she was. I loved her then, and I love her even more now that she's proven she's worthy of the best dog in the world. Her husband and daughter are pretty awesome, too. But come on, how fucking lame is that to praise someone's family? This isn't a shitty Hallmark card I'm writing here.

[I, of course, own a surly cat who takes great pleasure in licking her butt on my freshly washed comforter (correctly) indicating that I am a horrible misanthrope who will come over to your house and use your last sheet of toilet paper and not tell you.]

I can't possibly go into all of the reasons why Hannah is my best friend in this woefully inadequate blogpost. She's wonderful and delightful and I love to hear her laugh. And the best thing about her? She'll hate what I've written. She'll call me a fucknit and tell me what I did wrong. Now THAT is a true friend -- someone you can call a buttnugget as a term of endearment.


Blogger Hannah Gerber said...

So as NOT to be terribly predictable,(as you apparently think I AM, my sparrow-fart)....I will emphatically NOT hate what you've written nor chastise your form......for alas! I could NOT even if I had the inclination! IT'S TOO FABULOUS AND SO SO VERY TRUE!
You are indeed wise and beautful and we can ignore the Bush's (all of them) and just hug allot!

Your a PEACH.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Pops said...

Oh my God, does she have hepatitis C or something?

12:53 PM  
Blogger Hannah Gerber said...

Yeah, thats right, Shitnit, I caught it from Mrs. Pops.

5:06 PM  

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